Cake For Breakfast

Ok, so the actual quote was about world geography, which seems even more silly of a question to me. A man who is on a US school board posed this question about unschooled kids. How would they possibly learn about history and geography and social studies if they’re homeschooled or, more so, *gasp*, unschooled? You have to be kidding me, right?

Though, perhaps, it’s because he thinks that people have no desire or inner push to learn things. I suppose he never learned a THING other than what he learned in school, right? Just what he learned in school, with a teacher standing over him, that’s all? Bull. I’ll tell you how they’ll learn world history. By being interested in it. By following connections and interests and asking questions.

“Oh”, but you might be saying, “MY kids wouldn’t ever be interested in _________ so they have to be taught” or perhaps you’re saying “Oh, kids have no desire to learn anything unless they’re being taught”. Uh-huh. Kids have no desire to learn ‘useless to them’ information that they’re not interested in is more like it. And why should they? Why would they WANT to? Why should they have to? Who forces you to learn stuff you’re not interested in? No one, once you hit a “magical” point where you can legally get yourself out of school.

But, let’s give a real world example of how they’d learn world history. A couple of weeks ago, we were at the library. Due to a video game the kids have been playing and have watched being played, they’ve gotten interested in weaponry and military vehicles. So, when we were there, I found a couple of books about tanks and weapons and rockets and missiles and we brought them home. I showed the kids them at the library, and they knew we had them. Yesterday, Azura came up to ask me a couple of questions, which has been spurred on by the Rockets and Missiles book. What were those questions?

* How and why did World War 1 start?
* What countries were in the war?
* How long did it last?
* When did it start, when did it end?
* What ended it?
* What about World War 2?
* What is imperialism?
* Why did the Americans get involved in WW2?
* When was WW2?
* Where was it fought?
* Why were they called world wars?
* How explosive is 5 million tons of TNT?
* What damage would that make?
* What was Hiroshima?
* Why were the bombs dropped?
* What happened then?
* Why did they call them Fat Man and Little Boy?
* How big were they?
* Do I know anyone who was in the war?

And those are just the questions she asked me yesterday, at that one period of time, there’s more that she looked up herself. How on earth will she ever learn world history, eh? I have *no* idea. What she asked yesterday and looked up will stick with her much more and for longer with more substance than something she learned because it’s grade 7 history’s topic of the week. She may never have another question about WW1 or WW2, but I doubt it, but I also know that she’ll hold the knowledge she found yesterday more securely because she learned it for herself. Not for a test, or a passing grade or because she had to.

I read this today and I found it pretty apropro to what I’ve been thinking about lately:

Apparently, the problem with homeschooling is the socialization of children. In the Kolbe Little Home Journal (Fall 2005), there is a brief item called “Homeschooling Family Finds Ways to Adapt to a Public School ‘Socialization’ Program.” Here it is:

“When my wife and I mention we are strongly considering homeschooling our children, we are without fail asked, ‘But what about socialization?’ Fortunately, we found a way our kids can receive the same socialization that government schools provide. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I will personally corner my son in the bathroom, give him a wedgie and take his lunch money. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, my wife will make sure to tease our children for not being in the ‘in’ crowd, taking special care to poke fun at any physical abnormalities. Fridays will be ‘Fad and Peer Pressure Day.’ We will all compete to see who has the coolest toys, the most expensive clothes, and the loudest, fastest, and most dangerous car. Every day, my wife and I will adhere to a routine of cursing and swearing in the hall and mentioning our weekend exploits with alcohol and immorality…. And we have asked them to report us to the authorities in the event we mention faith, religion, or try to bring up morals and values.”

I don’t agree with all of it, for example the parts about religion and swearing, but it’s a sarcastic commentary on socialization.

The age old question…chores, who does them? Did the ancient Greeks have chores? The Mayans? Why on earth do we call them chores? Doesn’t that make them, um, more dreadful? One of the definitions of chore is: “a difficult or disagreeable task” so why on earth call them that??

Now, admittedly, I hate housework HATE IT! Not maybe, possibly, at times, mildly dislike it. Nope, flat out, obscenely HATE IT. I love to cook. I don’t mind putting the laundry IN the washing machine or dryer, and I don’t mind washing the odd window….but that about the end of it. Of course, for someone with four kids, this is problematic!!! LOL

As a child, growing up, my parents were extremely strict about chores. We had a chore chart, things we HAD to do daily. We’re talking THE housework. Dishes, floors, ironing, vaccuming, washing laundry (and that was by hand), you name it, we had to do it. The result? I HATE HATE HATE housework. My dream is to have a maid!!LOL Seriously, lotto win= maid for me.

Andrew on the other hand, said he doesn’t remember having chores. I’d have to ask his mom for sure, but I believe him He doesn’t “like” housework, but he doesn’t hate it either, and I’ll admit very willingly that he’s WAY better at it and more willing to do it than me. I’m not ashamed to say that. He’s always cleaning something and a dirty house bothers him more than me. OK, that’s not exactly true. I don’t like DIRT, but clutter doesn’t get to me like it does to him. So we come from pretty opposite sides of the coin.

Now, we have kids We’ve swung from setting out chores, to just asking for help and back and forth. Lately though, we’ve found demanding help around the house, doesn’t work Asking for help as needed, works. So, out go the chore charts and the required duties, and in comes the ask-as-needed. I admit, I have moments where the old “you’re a member of this family and dammit, you’ll help” voice comes out of me, but I have to remember THEY didn’t ask to be a part of the family, we made them a part It’s not a free-for-all, mom and dad do all the work as we sit back and eat bonbons, lifting our feet so they can sweep under us dynamic. Nor is it that they have things around the house they HAVE to do, or else. It’s somewhere in between.

We don’t require chores or housework. We don’t require made beds or picked up rooms. There are some things we ask: keep your clothes off the floor; bring your dirty stuff upstairs to the laundry (or in your laundry bins); if people are coming over help pick up your things in the living areas; if you’re done with your plate in the living room, take it to the kitchen please; rinse out those bowls with ramen noodles when you’re done please. Those sort of things. Nothing I have a problem with doing myself either, btw, but since they’re right there, we ask for help with those things. Even Sophia does those things, and she’s three. They’re NOT required, but the help is welcomed. I ask Azura for help with laundry and floors and unloading the dishwasher. Some of that is to show her how to do it, as something she’ll need to know (and I’ve started doing it with Brandon too now that he’s older), and because it makes the job go much faster for both of us. And it’s not boring if you’re working with someone. I do ask them to pick up Brandon’s room from time to time. It’s not required again, but as it’s the playroom too, it gets pretty trashed.

The kids aren’t spoiled, actually I don’t think you can spoil them by giving them the gift of a clean house. They’re learning how to do the various household duties from watching and helping as needed. There’s no dread or hated chores for them right now; nothing that when they’re 20 or 30 or 40 they’ll say they hate doing because mom made them do it. They pitch in just because. Sophia loves to help wash stuff and rinse dishes and mop the floor and……just because. She still thinks it’s all fun, which is what I want to encourage. True, not all housework is fun, but if it’s done with love and humour and with a good spirit, it won’t be drudgery for them as adults. It worked for my husband, it’s working for my kids. In our house, chores are mostly a thing of the past.

Though, anyone have any ideas for making cleaning the bathroom fun??

I’ve had a tough time lately with traditional and mainstream parenting thoughts in general. Some of my best friends are fairly mainstream and traditional, but we accept each other and all the little “quirks” we have. This isn’t what’s bothering me, since we actually have open and honest discussions and venting sessions about what’s bugging us. Even if they don’t agree or I agree with them, it’s not an issue for us. But the general mainstream/traditional stuff in the general population is what’s getting to me. I admit that sometimes I yell, and sometimes I get mad, and sometimes I want to run away from home, ok, not literally. Also, there are those who would object to the fact that I consider myself an attachment parent or an alternative parent because I haven’t done the following: breastfeed, co-sleep exclusively, cloth diaper exclusively, babywear, EC and so on. It’s semantics IMHO. I’ve noticed that a lot of parents who are AP parents from birth to school age seem to stop once the child enters school. Which, is their prerogative. You can parent any way you see fit. I’m not stating I’m an AP parent though, since I obviously haven’t done the traditionally AP things. I’m going to call myself non-mainstream, or non-traditional.

Starting when we started unschooling, we started a slow lifestyle shift as well. From a top-down parenting style, to a more even parenting style. Not that we don’t pull the old “I’m the parent” card (me to a greater extent…damn voices in my head!) at times, but we strive for a partnership, a respectful relationship between parent and child. It’s not easy. It would be much easier in implementation to be a traditional parent I think. It’s downright hard to maintain a respectful and even and choice-filled home, especially when you don’t come from that as a background. I’ve tried to surround myself with people who are like-minded to provide support, without alienating my traditional friends.

But lately, the traditional parenting I encounter day to day in my real life, is depressing. People yelling at their kids in stores, yanking their kids around like dogs, belittling and undermining their children, undermining other parents. Not looking for alternate solutions, going with a mainstream approach to everything. Treating their children like property and not children. I’m not a perfect parent, I have flaws. I’ve done my fair share of yelling, and grounding (ok, I still ground), but maybe because I’m struggling to be a mindful, peaceful parent, this hurts the heart to see. And I’m surrounded by it. Daily.

So I think I need to sit in my unschooling bubble, but tuning out those messages is so hard. What’s slightly ironic, is that I find traditional parenting funny in television and movies. Not in the print or news media, but I do find great humour in the TV shows and movies with traditional parents. Like The Simpsons, Family Guy, War at Home. Maybe it’s an outlet? The IRL parents I come into contact with, and the parents I met online are the ones that seem to cause me the most trouble. Since it’s “real” and not acting.

I’ve found it so hard lately, and maybe I’m just being ultra-sensititive but I’ve found it very difficult to stomach the average parenting wisdom. A look at my bookshelf over the years proves that. My parenting bookshelf used to boast the following: Parents Magazine, Parenting Magazine, What to Expect… Today Parent Magazine and so on. Now my parenting bookshelf has the following: Natural Health for Children, Parenting a Free Child: An Unschooled Life, The Unschooling Handbook and so on. The traditional books anger me, frustrate me, and depress me. It’s the unquestioning and unchanging beliefs and wisdoms that no one challenges that get to me.

It’s also one reason I have great problems with organized religion. Not a spiritual belief; I believe everyone has spirituality within them, and are spiritual beings, but the religous/organizational part of it is where my issues lie. No one questions anything any more. Those that do, are looked down upon or ridiculed for questioning. It’s the blind leading the blind that is where my issues lie.

The same can be said for mainstream parenting thought. No one questions. Dr. So-and-So says you must do XYZ. So it’s done. Parents send kids to school at age 5. So it’s done. No Questions. Parents must vaccinate. So it’s done. No Questions, though this one’s becoming less accepted automatically, heck we did this with the first few kids. “Expert” opinion says to do ABC, so it’s done, and then the next “expert” says no, do DEF, so it’s done. No questions.

In my unschooling bubble: People Question. People demand the free exchange of ideas. People crave knowledge from every source. If you end up in the traditional parenting school of thought, great, if you KNOW why and how you got there and if you can defend those thoughts and beliefs. Don’t just do something because everyone else is doing it or have done it. Don’t do it because so-and-so did it, or because your mother and father and grandparents did it. Don’t do it because it’s “cool”. Do it because it’s right for YOU, and your family, and your kids. FOR YOU. If that’s being the mainstream parent, great. This doesn’t bother me. It’s the automatic obedience of people to follow without thinking.

So, I’ll sit here in my happy little unschooling, non-traditional bubble, and question my world around me. Which is cool. And me. And ok. And if that’s threatening to some, check the foundation of your own beliefs. It shouldn’t threaten you if you’re secure in your beliefs.

It is a common myth that we run up against at times that we’re raising social misfits because we homeschool the kids. That we’re resigning them to a life of being recluses or a life of social awkwardness because they don’t spend 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, from age 3 or 5 or 6 or whatever onward, with kids their own age. I will agree that in some situations, this may be true, if you’re homeschooling with the intent OF secluding and isolating your children for whatever reason. But, for the majority of the homeschoolers, this is a myth. It bugs me to no end, that people actually think, that I’m screwing up my kids and their future lives because I won’t/don’t send them to school. Now, I’m not saying people have to do it my way or no way, who am I to be that damn arrogant, and if it comes off critical, well, so be it, but it’s not my intention. But, it annoys the crap out of me that people think I’m doing a disservice to my kids and that I’m screwing my kids up socially because we homeschool them. I hate that!! Maybe there are social misfits out there who were homeschooled but I will bet you I can find 100 times that number who were schooled. I was homeschooled, as a child, and you know what? Though I might be, um, wacky and weird, I don’t think I’m a social misfit…….am I?

How could my kids possibly be social misfits? Maybe it’s because we don’t have “rules” but we have “principles” instead? Or, maybe it’s because we believe in trusting our kids? Or maybe it’s that we trust their interests? Oh wait, maybe it’s because they’re *gasp* with their parents daily? Or, maybe it’s that the kids have free reign of their thoughts and beliefs? Maybe it’s that one? So, yes, that was me being facetious, but it was for impact.

School does not guarantee a social life that’s full and rich and rewarding. School does not guarantee a happy childhood with oodles of friends and being popular. Being homeschooled doesn’t automatically mean that you live on a farm and are 3000 miles from your nearest neighbour and have never ever heard a song from the top 10 or seen a movie that’s under 20 years old. It’s a myth that this is what the end result of being homeschooled will be. School doesn’t mean automatic entry into the world of the social adept. How many people do you know who are horribly inept and awkward socially? How many people do you know with social anxiety? How many of those people were homeschooled? 1, 2, 10, 100? Out of all the awkward and socially uncomfortable people you know, how many were schooled traditionally?

As opposition to the myth of the homeschooled social misfit, I’d like to show you what my poor social misfits of kids do. Let’s see, starting at the top:

Azura, who is 10, is in Girl Guides (the canadian version of Girl Scouts). She’s in Tae Kwon Do. She’s starting a Girls Night Out program this week. She can tell you the top 10 songs on the Much Music Countdown (the Cdn version of MTV). She’s seen every episode of the following: American Dad, Family Guy, Simpsons, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter’s Lab, Dora the Explorer, Mythbusters, Invader Zim, Spongebob Squarepants, Fawlty Towers, Futurama, King of the Hill, NOVA and so many more I can’t even tell you. She can tell you popular games for PC, XBOX and GBA, because she’s played them or watched them being played. She can tell you 10 websites off the top of her head that would interest a 10 year old girl. She’s seen popular movies both in theater and at home. She knows the popular preteen and teen-themed books, and has read them as well. She’s been to plays, musical performances and sleepovers. Yup, she has no idea about popular culture at all, right? Actually, the only thing she probably doesn’t know much about, is sports. Because she’s not interested in any at the moment. She knows our countries holidays, other countries holidays and celebrations, she knows about other cultures celebrations.

Brandon is 9. Substitute a sports program for Girl Guides, and remove the girls night out program and the lack of sports knowledge, and add about 1/2 dozen more games and comic books and gaming magazines to what I posted for Azura, and you get what he is part of. Seems pretty out of touch of popular culture to me.

Max is 6. He’s not taking any programs outside the house, because he’s not interested in starting any. He’s more than welcome to and he has every opportunity to go, but he’s not to that point yet. And, with the exception of the preteen girly things, he’s as knowledgeable, if not more, on all things boy/gaming/tv/movies. The only other exception would be going TO movies vs. seeing them at home. That’s not because he’s isolated, it’s because he’s scared of the theater.

Sophia is 3. She can tell you all about a whole bunch of games, for the PC, XBOX and GBA, AND play them. You know that list of TV shows and movies? With a few substitutions, like Backyardigns for NOVA and Go Diego Go for Fawlty Towers, you’ve got her knowledge base for TV. She probably knows more popular music (and not popular music) than the other kids, as it’s her obsession. She hasn’t been to sleepovers or plays………yet. She’s not in any outside the home programs, because, well, she’s 3 and she’s not interested.

Ok, so that’s all anecdotal evidence. None of it is based on scientific studies of thousands of homeschoolers. So, you’ll probably be able to find the odd outcast among homeschoolers. I’ll wager you though, that I can find thousands more of outcast schooled kids. So, yeah, you could say I get irritated by comments and innuendos that I’ve got socially inept kids because they’re not in school. That homeschooling is the reason kids are social misfits. And we’re not even talking about socialization and the myths that go around about that. We’re just talking social and cultural knowledge and they’ve more than covered a good knowledge base. In fact, I’d wager they probably know more about popular culture than a lot of kids their age. I’d bet on it. I’d like to see you find a three year old who knows exactly what on episode of Family Guy or Rocko’s or Mythbusters something occured

So, I’ll call this myth, in relation to my kids:

BUSTED!