As you may have figured out, our older two kids did attend public school. Azura for 2 1/2 years, Brandon for 6 months. The littler two have never been (nor will they). When we took Brandon out of school, one of the things we both knew HAD to happen, was that he had to heal from the experience. And that we had to do everything we could to make that happen. Anything that looked like school or anything he’d associate with school had to go. Which, though it sounds easy, isn’t as easy at times. Most of the time it was, but as the days and weeks and months progressed, we worried once in a while. The “usual” amount of time; the rule of thumb if you will, for deschooling, is usually one month for every year spent in school. Like I mentioned in my post about our journey to unschooling, it took Brandon 18 months. It took him three months for every MONTH spent in school. Which shows just how much that little time in school affected him.
Deschooling for him looked like the following. Lots and lots and lots of time playing outside. Lots and lots and lots of time playing video games, watching movies, painting, drawing, building things. He’d “read” comics and video game magazines etc, but he would leave the room if anyone had a book or was reading aloud. Anything that looked “schooly” to him (not that it WAS schooly, just his view of it) made him shut down and walk away from it. This lasted 18 months. From 6 1/2 until 8. For those 18 months he never picked up a book, never wrote a letter, never counted a thing. His moods turned around almost immediately, and as time went on, he relaxed and starting enjoying things again.
When we took him out of school, he had stopped smiling or laughing or singing (seriously) and was miserable. He used to hum or sing to himself ALL THE TIME when he was younger, and this wasn’t happening anymore during those 6 months in school. That’s all the time it took to ruin his life (in his mind). About a year into deschooling, we realized one day he was singing again. And laughing. And we realized it had been a VERY quiet year and a half. He started asking for us to read to him, started writing letters and numbers again, started playing games that were challenging for him.
We did hit a snag near the last few months of his deschooling. In conversations he overheard, we had been talking to people about the fact he was NOT going back to school, but as it got closer to the start of school that year (which was the first full year he was out) he starting convincing himself we were going to send him back. And he panicked. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, cried all the time. It was horrible. That I think is why it took so long. It set him back, and he reverted back to the way it was when we took him out. HOWEVER, once he knew we weren’t, he felt better a lot sooner this time around.
Azura’s took the form of the “usual” deschooling stories you hear about, and, I think that’s in part, because she had a pretty “normal” and non-sucky school experience. Nothing “bad” happened, nothing “great” happened, it was just there, if you know what I mean. Removing her from school wasn’t a big deal for her in that way.
I wanted to post about this, because I wanted to let parents who might wonder about deschooling, that though there may be a rule of thumb about how long it takes, it’s not a hard and fast rule. Just like anything else about your children, it depends on the child. Some kids might need months and months and months, some may not. But if you have one of those kids that will need months, it’s ok. Though you may panic, some have been there and done that and came out the other side.
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