Cake For Breakfast

I have post block. I have 4 started but stuck posts sitting in my draft folder, and I just feel mentally blocked. Boo. Maybe it’s that it’s been a long week and I’m tired? I’ve got all these random thoughts flowing around….but I can’t get them into one place. Maybe that’s it? It’ll pass……

Yesterday Andrew and I were watching Sophia play at the park, which isn’t really a park, but the playground of the local public school. I said something to the effect of, I’m so glad they don’t go to school, mainly because I’ve noticed, schools don’t have windows overlooking the playareas. (Just a weird thing I notice ).

Andrew said, “You know, when we first took the kids out of school, it felt wrong, and weird, at least to me, do you know what I mean?” “Like we shouldn’t be doing it; that it was wrong?Though I knew for Brandon it HAD to be right!” “Now,” he said “I can’t believe I ever said to send them, and SCHOOL seems wrong”. “I can’t ever imagine any of them going back; THAT would be the wrong move”.

Now, I knew he was on the same page as me with the kids being at home. Since he was the one that actually pulled Brandon out We never had the problem some people have where the parents can’t agree to/on homeschooling. We do, at times, disagree on methodology, but he usually sits back and agrees to watch before he wants things changed. We’ve been very lucky in that way; that both of us agree on homeschooling and, for the most part and for the major things, on how to homeschool the kids.

But I always like hearing these little insights into what he’s thinking and how he’s thinking about our lifestyle. He’s not a verbose person So when he says things like that, it makes me sit up and listen. And it’s one of those times that I hadn’t heard him say that before

But he’s right. School seems like such a boring, dull choice compared to the full life we live, even in podunkland. And that’s what it would be, a choice. And we choose not to use it.

From 100 degree days a couple of weeks ago, to the last few days where it’s been down to the 40’s, I should really stop being surprised by the weather here. It’s been so cool it’s been too cold to swim, and we’ve had blankets and closed windows at night, and sweaters and long sleeves in the day when we wake up I’m liking this weather!! I’ve been able to cook, in the house, have nice warm baths when I get chilly, and it’s been warm enough to play hard outside, but cool enough to not overheat!!

Wasn’t I just waxing philosophical about weather a couple of weeks ago and how I couldn’t wait for fall? Must have come early this year….or at least to give us a break from the heat With a full moon all weekend too, it’s been really fall like!! For August

I hope this weather lasts right into October!!! It’s so nice………. though for the kids’ sake, it needs to be warm next week for summer camp but then it can get cool again!!!

This post gets rambley…I apologize ahead of time And, it might make you hungry!!

The kids and I went to the local farmers market yesterday morning for the first time this summer. I wanted to get a basil plant, since the one I bought last year there was awesome. I got a 5 gallon pot of basil with 6 plants in it last year (and we’re talking 18″ tall plants) for $8. This year they were $10 but I spend $10 at the grocery store for sub-par basil all the time over the summer. Of course, once we get there, we end up spending all the money on us We got the following for $40 total:

Now, true, with that $40, I could have gotten twice as much at the grocery store….but none of the vegetables would have been as good, the basil would be subpar, and some of that stuff I can’t even GET at the store like the jam and the bread and the cheese.

And we wouldn’t have been able to experience the sights and smells and tastes and sounds of the market itself. Though, Max wasn’t thrilled with the smell of the cheese stand

Unfortunately for me, the market is only on Saturday mornings. I’d go daily if I could (and if I had the money too). I’d love to live in a town/city/place/village etc where there’s a market daily, or those little fruit/farmer stands around. Those places you dream of which may or may not exist where the citizens of the town go every day to pick out their day’s food. We had friends who lived in Korea for a couple of years, and they would go the market every day to get their fresh veggies and fruits and meats/fish. I’d love to be able to do that. Not only would you eat better, it would be so fresh and probably cheaper since you aren’t paying for shelf-life.

Not that I don’t also like the big-box chain stores as well; they have their place in the world, but for service and quality and just that feeling you get, you can’t beat farmers markets. The experience and quality is worth the extra few dollars it might cost you.

When we got home, we had a snack Yes, though the kids and I and Andrew love sweets and savouries and foods that are considered “junk”, they get turned down all the time for snacks like we had yesterday.

SOOOOO good, and not a speck left. We’ve been snacking like that lately, since we got our hands on three loaves of baguettes a week or so ago, and it was too hot to cook. So we ate plates and plates of the bread with various additions as we had them.

This is one of the reasons I love cooking so much, and why, with the exception of fast-food hamburger joints, and the odd pizza/sub place, we don’t eat out anymore. There’s something organic and basic and almost sensual about cooking with good ingredients and making something that provides such deliciousness. And, most, if not all food we can get at local restaurants, I can make, cheaper and fresher and with my family. Did I mention cheaper??

I have a gourmet’s heart I guess. Super-fancy food doesn’t do it for me, though I’d be happy to eat it , but food with soul is what I love. Food you can tell has love put into it. Either from the ingredients or the chef or the company you’re eating it with.

Though I love it here in town, and I love our province, and I love the coast….I’d be more than happy to live in a little place with a daily food market Or even those stores where you can get to know the proprietors. You know, your local butchers, dairies, fruit and veg stands, wine shops….like that. I read several food blogs, and they all seem to have these little local shops where they go for their items instead of a big-box store. I love that!!!

Though I don’t want to give up any of my technological luxuries for it Well….maybe a couple….

Today at the checkout at the grocery store, a woman tapped me on the shoulder and said, “I thought that was Brandon, but I wasn’t sure until I saw you!” It took about 1 second to place her; Brandon’s preschool teacher The funniest thing, we were JUST talking about her last night about how great she was etc, and Brandon was saying he missed her. He went to an awesome, child-led, private university preschool when he was 4; the first year they reopened it (it used to be the “test” site for when the province first started Kindergarten) and this lady was his teacher. We ALL loved her to bits. If school was like that, and if all teachers were like here, I’d be more likely to consider school an option…ok not, but it would have answered some of my issues with school. Brandon’s reading and writing and speech skills were never a “problem” there; and not once was he ever made to feel like less of a person. She celebrated children for exactly who they were.

So, anyways…. We hadn’t seen her in years. I missed her, we ALL missed her, she was such a lovely woman. So we talked for a minute, and she said that she was so sure it was Brandon, just a bigger version (since it’s been about 5 years) but he’s still gorgeous :lol Then the cool thing….

She asked where the kids go to school. I said, they don’t, we homeschool. She said, and I quote “Oh that’s WONDERFUL!!!” *big evil grin* She went on to say that the schools are just horrible here and it was great we were doing that with them. I really admired her and looked up to her in a way. She was so calm and caring and wise and supportive when we knew her. It’s not like I needed approval from her, but she could have been one of the people who are negative about it,but instead, was 100% postitive about the fact they’re homeschooled. She was concerned about Brandon too when we moved to Ontario and started school there. I remember talking to her many times about the fact we all KNEW in our guts he shouldn’t go.

So, I thought that was the neatest thing. She also took our phone number So maybe I’d have a mentor or supporter of sorts again. The neatest thing, not just what she said, was that I’ve been thinking of her lately and trying to figure out how to get in touch with her or see if she still even lived here. And, just on the off chance I happened to go to the store and happened to move lines and choose that one, there she was. Gotta be for a reason I’d think!

Two different observations about video games in our house:

A couple of days ago the kids got a new game for one of their systems. But, it’s in Japanese. The only English in it is at the start menu to select a new game or continue. But, they wanted to give it the old college try, so they started playing it. The only one that didn’t have trouble with it, was the one who isn’t reading yet. He’s blowing right through it though he can’t read it. It struck me as curious. I wonder if he’s not drawn subconsiously to the text like the other kids are even though it’s Japanese. Azura was annoyed because she kept being drawn to the text. It’s like what happens when I watch something with subtitles even if the speaking parts are in English. I watched Pride and Prejudice the other night, and though it was in English, there were German subtitles and I couldn’t stop from reading it. I had to consiously talk myself out of looking at them, which is REALLY distracting from the movie!! So, watching him play, I started wondering if, in fact, he’s better at the mechanics of the games because he’s not drawn to the text like the rest of us are. And, on the other side, he seems to be absorbing reading and words almost through osmosis. He’s not consiously realizing he’s reading, which is neat, but also a little bit frustrating to him, since he has said lately that recognising words isn’t reading. But I think it’s something that’ll make sense to him sooner than later.

The other neat observation I’ve made over the last couple of months since we got the XBOX for Christmas, is that all four kids play differently. Yeah, I know, DUH! But it’s something that’s really neat to observe. Azura plays all games like they’re The Sims. Doesn’t matter what the game is. If it’s a racing game, and you can customize the cars, that’s what she does. She hasn’t beaten a game yet, but she doesn’t play them to beat them. She plays them to play them. Brandon plays intensely, linearly until he beats it. He’s beaten many times as many games as the other kids; he plays to beat them, THEN he goofs around with them. For example: He played Half Life 2 until he beat it. Just kept plugging away at it. Getting frustrated, walking away, coming back and keeping at it until he beat it. Then, when he beat it, he’d go back and play spots but not in the usual way. He’d stack up barrels and blow them up, save the game in the middle of explosions, chase the zombies and so on. Playing totally outside the box. But he first and foremost plays to beat the game. Max dabbles Some games he plays like he’d play games like the sims, other games he plays the way they’re “meant” to be played, other games he goofs off with. He’s beaten several games, but, like Azura, he doesn’t play to beat them, that’s just a secondary result. Sophia just plays to play

What’s neat, is their dad and I play in ways like they do. Andrew will play a game until he beats it, then doesn’t play it again, with one exeption, he plays Battlefield 2 all the time I’ll play for fun but will play certain games with the goal of beating them, then I don’t play them again. Games like Age of Empires III (just beat that yesterday) or Pirates! and Harvest Moon. The games like Sims etc, I just play to play.

It’s really neat to see how they all do other things though in the same way. Azura and Max dabble in things, Brandon sticks to something until he’s finished it or done with it, Andrew does things until they’re completed, and I dabble

Joanne at A Day in Our Lives has just put up the second Unschooling Voices Carnival!!! August 2006!!

The link is here:

Unschooling Voices Carnival #2 ~ August 2006

Enjoy!!!!!

Added:

My contributions are here:

Whole Life Unschooling

and here:

Reading and Brandon and so on at our house

A post for the Unschooling Voices Carnival #2

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(written originally July 16, 2006)

This is a really easy question to answer And the answer is yes! From food to bedtimes to lots of other things. And yes, we stumble along the way, because it’s not always the most common, or usual parenting method or technique and we sort of have to find our own way as we do it. Actually, we started coming to the mindful/radical parenting part, before we got to the no-curriculum part Now, with the first couple of kids, we were pretty mainstream. Ew. Not that mainstream parents are EW (before I get blasted…LOL), but EW at how we were as mainstream parents. Max cured us of that. The boy wouldn’t sleep unless he was tired. Wouldn’t eat unless he was hungry. Would only eat what he liked. Would only wear what he wanted. And so on. The kid knew his own mind! I’ll tell you, he wasn’t a year old before we figured out we better trust him and follow HIS instincts. If he’s not tired at 10, he won’t be tired at 10, and there’s nothing we can do about it. And sure, we could put him to bed at 10, but holy moly, after trying to fight him into bed, and falling asleep, it was as late as if we let him go on his body signals. He taught us very quickly he knew his own body and mind. It became very easy after that to slide into trusting the kids with other stuff. Especially when we started unschooling.

A few of the main areas/arguments
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Bedtimes and Naptimes: Kids know when they’re tired (baring medical issues). Moms need sleep and quiet at times. Our unschooled kids aren’t going to fall into any statistics from any studies about any sleep issues. They just won’t. There are no studies on unschooled kids and sleep (that I know of). My kids go to bed when they’re tired. If you call my house at 10pm, there’s probably one to four kids still up and around. We do aim for quieting down and whatnot come 10 pm, but that’s only because we live in (technically) a duplex and there’s people downstairs, and if there’s kid noise up here past 10, we get complaints. We keep the kids out of the loudest spots past 10, and aim for quieter times. 10pm here means between 9 and whenever Usually we ask the kids to head to rooms and bed around 10-11, but if there’s something they’re doing, watching, reading and so on, they’re free to finish it.

It’s not an enforced sleep time, it’s a recommended quiet time. Sophia has been known to be up until all hours (3:30am was the record), but she sleeps when she’s tired and only sleeps as long as she needs to. We’ve never been able to just put her to bed and she’ll sleep (as with Max), but the second she’s tired, she’ll tell us, and head to bed. Or fall asleep where she stands Same with naptimes. Same with wakeup times. They get up when they’ve had enough sleep. Be that 6am or 11am. The only reason they have to wake up before they’re ready, is for appointments, and we plan for those.

Food: This is one that was very very easy to flow into. Originally because of Max, but Sophia cinched the deal. Which, when you realize those two kids have food allergies might make you think “MUST RESTRICT THEM!!!”. But no, for us, it’s exactly the opposite. I respect my kids’ knowledge of their bodies, like I respect mine, or Andrew’s or any other person. I don’t force my husband to eat, or when to eat, or what to eat, why force my children? There’s no need. They know their bodies. I’ll suggest foods; for example, if Brandon’s feeling moody or cranky, historically speaking, he needs some protein, so I’ll offer to make scrambled eggs etc. Our whole family is involved in the kitchen, and we talk non-stop it seems at times, about nutrition. And, it’s worked amazingly for our family.

Instead of restricting Sophia and Max from their allergens (and in Sophia’s case, some of them are severe), we’ve talked to them both about those foods and what would happen if they ate them. We don’t have to restrict them, because they’re not going to eat something that makes them sick. Sophia knows, and has for months and months that if she eats peanuts or anything with nuts, it’ll make her very ill. She remembers what happened, and she doesn’t want it to happen again. It’s a real medical issue, but instead of controlling what she eats, we work with her to find alternatives and keep her safe. It really does work. Both kids know and will say, no thank you, I can’t eat that, it’ll make me sick. We had to go WAYYYY out of our way to find alternatives for Sophia (for a time, she could only drink certain kinds of very expensive, not available here, rice milk…Of course, NOW we can find alternatives everywhere, now that we don’t need them!!LOL), but we never restricted her diet. We kept a nut-free house, and bought the milks and the special foods they needed.

All four kids come and go as they please in the kitchen. They can, and do, cook things for themselves or ask us to help (the older two). All four kids like helping us cook. All four kids participate in the meal ideas and recipe hunting and grocery shopping. And, although our shopping cart will include cookies and pop and chips and freezies and chocolate and candy, it’s such a small fraction of what we buy in total, and, honestly, most of that’s for their dad!!LOL

A real-life recent example of free choice for you. In the last month we’ve been extremely tight financially. Nothing drastic, but enough that it was a huge pinch for us. The food budget is the one place we had that was free to cut back on. Which, is HUGE. Really really huge. When making the grocery lists, all four kids had favourites. Everyone was happy with making their own cookies, and frozen juice pops, and bread and so on. Not one kid complained we didn’t have Oreos, or pop, or chips. Even Max, who is very particular about his food, was easy-going about it. They wanted waffles…ok, we made them. They wanted chips, we made them (which are SOO much better!!LOL). When our budget eased a little bit, and I was making the list for the “big grocery shop”, guess what was the first things on the list:

and then all the regular grocery stuff. And the first things on the list usually, are things like that. I admit, our kids love sweets and things like chips and so on, but it’s not something they crave so much they can’t live without it. They can take it or leave it. All food to them is food. It all has value to them, but not more than anything else.

Sorry I ran on there….LOL….This is one of my favourite topics within radical unschooling!

Media: We don’t restrict the kids’ choices of media. I’m trying to figure out how to explain this well We have music, video games, TV and movies. Of those (and we have a lot), there are several shows we don’t watch with the kids (we wait until they’re in bed) and one video game they don’t play. They watch TV shows and movies that I’m sure, other kids their ages don’t watch at all. But, the difference is, we watch the shows WITH them. We’re there with them, ready to explain, answer questions, pause or fast-forward it and so on. We don’t just say, have at it guys….We’re there, in the moment, BEING with them. So, yes, I have kids that watch Family Guy and South Park and play Halo 2 and Battlefield and listen to all various types of music, but they’re not abandoned to the media. We trust their instincts. What’s funny, is movies that are “G” or “PG” are some of the movies that scare the crap out of Max. He is absolutely terrified of the movies Robots, Lilo and Stitch and so on….but he loves Men in Black, Star Wars, Batman etc. He knows, just because it’s a G movie (which, honestly though, he doesn’t know what that means..LOL), doesn’t mean he’ll like it, and that a movie for “older people” might, instead, be what he wants to watch.

It’s just like how adults view media. Some people LOVE the down and dirty thrillers or horror pictures but hate love stories. Some are the complete opposite. Some people are bothered by emotional violence, but have no qualms about watching a war movie. Some people end up in tears from a TV drama (*raises hand embarrassingly*), but a kids movie with the same general theme doesn’t have the same impact. It’s about personal taste and comfort level. Our kids have the freedom to choose, and parents available to guide them.

“Chores” and Housework: I’m admitting to stealing what I’m about to put here from an earlier post of mine….But why retype what I said so well (hehehehhe…)

The age old question…Chores, who does them? Did the ancient Greeks have chores? The Mayans? Why on earth do we call them chores? Doesn’t that make them, um, more dreadful? One of the definitions of chore is: “a difficult or disagreeable task” so why on earth call them that??

Now, admittedly, I hate housework HATE IT! Not maybe, possibly, at times, mildly dislike it. Nope, flat out, obscenely HATE IT. I love to cook. I don’t mind putting the laundry IN the washing machine or dryer, and I don’t mind washing the odd window….but that’s about the end of it. Of course, for someone with four kids, this is problematic!!! LOL

As a child, growing up, my parents were extremely strict about chores. We had a chore chart, things we HAD to do daily. We’re talking THE housework. Dishes, floors, ironing, vacuuming, washing laundry (and that was by hand), you name it, we had to do it. The result? I HATE HATE HATE housework. My dream is to have a maid!!LOL Seriously, lotto win= maid for me.

Andrew on the other hand, said he doesn’t remember having chores. I’d have to ask his mom for sure, but I believe him He doesn’t “like” housework, but he doesn’t hate it either, and I’ll admit very willingly that he’s WAY better at it and more willing to do it than me. I’m not ashamed to say that. He’s always cleaning something and a dirty house bothers him more than me. OK, that’s not exactly true. I don’t like DIRT, but clutter doesn’t get to me like it does to him. So we come from pretty opposite sides of the coin.

Now, we have kids We’ve swung from setting out chores, to just asking for help and back and forth. Lately though, we’ve found demanding help around the house, doesn’t work Asking for help as needed, works. So, out go the chore charts and the required duties, and in comes the ask-as-needed. I admit, I have moments where the old “you’re a member of this family and dammit, you’ll help” voice comes out of me, but I have to remember THEY didn’t ask to be a part of the family, we made them a part It’s not a free-for-all, mom and dad do all the work as we sit back and eat bonbons, lifting our feet so they can sweep under us dynamic. Nor is it that they have things around the house they HAVE to do, or else. It’s somewhere in between.

We don’t require chores or housework. We don’t require made beds or picked up rooms. There are some things we ask: keep your clothes off the floor; bring your dirty stuff upstairs to the laundry (or in your laundry bins); if people are coming over help pick up your things in the living areas; if you’re done with your plate in the living room, take it to the kitchen please; rinse out those bowls with ramen noodles when you’re done please. Those sort of things. Nothing I have a problem with doing myself either, btw, but since they’re right there, we ask for help with those things. Even Sophia does those things, and she’s three. They’re NOT required, but the help is welcomed. And “no”, is an accepted reply. I ask Azura for help with laundry and floors and unloading the dishwasher. Some of that is to show her how to do it, as something she’ll need to know (and I’ve started doing it with Brandon too now that he’s older), and because it makes the job go much faster for both of us. And it’s not boring if you’re working with someone. I do ask them to help pick up Brandon’s room from time to time. It’s not required again, but as it’s the playroom too, it gets pretty trashed.

The kids aren’t spoiled, actually I don’t think you can spoil them by giving them the gift of a clean house. They’re learning how to do the various household duties from watching and helping as needed. There’s no dread or hated chores for them right now; nothing that when they’re 20 or 30 or 40 they’ll say they hate doing because mom made them do it. They pitch in just because. Sophia loves to help wash stuff and rinse dishes and mop the floor and……just because. She still thinks it’s all fun, which is what I want to encourage. True, not all housework is fun, but if it’s done with love and humour and with a good spirit, it won’t be drudgery for them as adults. It worked for my husband, it’s working for my kids. In our house, chores are mostly a thing of the past.

Sex: Now, admittedly, I don’t have teens yet. But I’ve had more than one conversation about sex and puberty and love and lust and more with my kids. And, do you notice? It always comes out of nowhere??LOL I can’t answer or predict what might occur as they get older, but with parents who talk to them, listen to them, and trust them, they’re going to be ahead of the game than most of us were. I know I sure as hell wasn’t prepared for my teenage years. By being open and honest and respectful and trusting in our relationships with the kids, I’m betting it’ll help!

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Now that I’ve rambled on and most of you have dosed off somewhere around 500,000 words ago, I’ll just say this, really, just one more thing:)

Trusting my children, and giving them the freedom and respect that all humans should have, couldn’t work better for us. True, the old voices crop up from time to time, but we’re getting better at smooshing those down. If we trust them with their learning, and respect them and give them freedom from school, how can we not trust them with the rest of their lives? True, with guidance and help and love and experience, but trust and freedom is the base and we build from there.