One of the questions posed in this month’s unschooling carnival was about Video Games (and other electronic things like TV/computer usage) and how hard it is for parents to give up control over these things. I’m not sure if it’s because the fact we’re the kind of parents we were from the very beginning of being parents, or that we were born at the very right time to be techies, or the fact that Andrew is a computer programmer by trade and education, or a combination of a bunch of factors, but this is one area we’ve not struggled with very much. Andrew’s been using computers since he was a young boy, and I’ve been teaching myself all about them for the past, well, since I met Andrew. So the kids were born into a family who had a computer background. The older two kids weren’t big into computers before Max was born. They had a couple of games on the computer that they played, but we joke that Max came out of the womb screaming and with a computer mouse in his hand! I have both video and pictures of him as a toddler, barely tall enough to reach the keyboard, and not yet walking, playing a Tony Hawk game.
We didn’t restrict games or TV or computer usage when they were babies or toddlers and we don’t now. There are some real restrictions in place, but not from us. Just the fact there’s 6 people, and until this Christmas, only one TV and computer, was the restriction. And honestly, it makes no sense to restrict them. It’d be like restricting books from a reader. In my mind, it would be like telling my husband he can’t use the computer unless he’s working, which is such a small percentage of his computer usage. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Though I admit, that easily could be because of our backgrounds/his career.
I do see however how parents can and do have huge issues with this, but I honestly think it’s mostly when coming from an always schooled perspective. Studies always get thrown around with this topic, but not one of those studies are done on home-schooled kids and especially unschooled kids. When kids are in school 6 hours out of their 12 hour day, and another 2 hours is spent on either getting ready FOR school or coming back FROM school and then another 1 hour is spent on homework and then there’s supper, the 2 hours or so that kids would have time to actually play or watch TV, looks like a HUGE majority of their free time, and it is! If you only have 2 free hours a day, and you’re playing games for 2 hours, it IS the majority of your time. And after sitting in class for 6+ hours a day, parents don’t want to see their kids just laying around.
When parents start to home-school or unschool and they suddenly have all this time and the kids (to their minds) are still playing games or watching TV or computer time the majority of the time, parents panic. They compare the 2 hours before homeschooling to the 6 hours spent after, and panic. Some of that is deschooling, some of that is passion, some of it may be pure boredom and having no idea what to do with themselves. And as a parent, it’s hard to let that control go when that’s your background and that’s how you’re seeing it.
For us, we never had that to deal with. Even during the short period of time the older two kids were in school, we didn’t restrict them or control their “screen” time. We’ve always looked at it as just another tool. I was raised without a TV for most of my childhood, and definitely without any sort of video games/computers. When we were living in a place with a TV, it was restricted, and my brother and I used to sneak up and watch it, hiding when we thought someone was coming up. I didn’t want that for my kids. I don’t see anything wrong with any of the different sorts of media. I have problems with the inherent consumerism with commercial TV, but it’s a great opportunity for discussion with the kids, and to be honest, we rarely watch commercial TV live anymore. Most of it’s recorded and then fast-forwarded through the commercials 
because none of us like them, except for Sophia, and she loves the music over the toys/items advertised. But even all the consumerism isn’t enough IMHO for us to restrict them from watching it.
They have no parental restrictions on video games, music, TV, computer, books and so on. They ALWAYS however, have parental guidance and input and usually, 9 times out of 10, a parent watching, playing, listening, reading and so on WITH them. I think that’s the key. I can’t think of the last time I wasn’t around or Andrew wasn’t around when one or all were watching something. They trust us if we tell them that something isn’t good for them, because we haven’t led them wrong before or lied to them, and if something is too “old” for them etc, we’re there with them to help them with whatever it is.
I know some people are just sitting here reading shaking their heads and are imagining little violent hooligans running around being mean and foul-mouthed and totally lacking in social graces. And I’m sure most of those wouldn’t believe a mother telling them that’s not true and that her children aren’t like that. But it is true It’s a frightening comparison between our children and the average child with restrictions. It’s like other kids have pent up anger and aggression and they want to fight against any voice of authority. Our kids don’t have that…I’m not sure how to describe it, that anger? Don’t get me wrong, I have human children, they get mad and angry and sad and hurt and they can lash out with the best of them, but it’s not an inherent rage constantly simmering.
Now, I’m not saying that if you don’t let your kids play video games 24/7 that they will be serial killers. That’s just a straw man argument and it’s not the nitty gritty of what I’m saying. And I’m not saying to just let the kids run free. They’re kids. It’s your job as a parent to guide and help them. They’re kids, they don’t have the knowledge (yet) or the experiences (yet) to run free with no help. And it would be horrible to expect them to just go do their own thing without any input or help from mom and dad. WITH parental help and guidance, kids don’t need controls and restrictions on things like this, and in an unschooling or homeschooling lifestyle especially. Parents are partners in our lifestyle, and we don’t need those controls or restrictions at all.
Another argument that comes up commonly is that if you don’t restrict video games (TV/computer too, but it’s usually video games), that’s all your kids would do in a day. And sure, I’ll totally agree with that! There are some insanely passionate kids who WOULD and probably DO play games all day every day. Chances are you know someone who, if given the opportunity, would knit or cook or sew or read or garden all day every day if they could. What makes video games any different from those activities? Really, seriously, what’s the difference? My dream day would involve someone waiting on me hand and foot so I could sit and read a stack of books But that’s held to a higher degree than video games. If I said instead I wanted to play games all day, it would raise eyebrows and people would start murmuring. Why? I’ve never been able to figure the reason for the difference. Reading’s sedentary, so ti’s not that. Reading’s a solitary (fro the most part) activity, so it can’t be that reason. It can’t be as simple as reading is “constructive” and video games are not? All three of those reasons I gave, aren’t true of video games. At least not at our house There are only a handful of video games we have that the kids sit still while playing; most games involve a great deal of jumping around and yelling and talking and bouncing around and excitement and movement the entire time. It’s never solitary here; either it’s multi-player with 2 or more of them playing, or one is playing and others are watching. And they’re as constructive as any other tool in the house the kids have access to. Reading, writing, story telling, history, social sciences, geography, science, fables and fairy tales, mathematics, religion, art and so on, are all things our kids have learned and have spawned interests in BECAUSE of video games. And any time we offer something to the kids to do, even if they’re in the middle of the biggest boss game there is, they’ll put down the joystick to participate. Even Max, who by far is our biggest gamer (we swear the boy will work for EA games at some point) jumps at every opportunity, even if it’s not game related. So that argument that video games are all tehy’ll do with no restrictions, doesn’t even exist in our house.
Right at this very moment, all four kids are playing together. Not video games, but they’re playing Jungle. An imagination game they came up with a couple of weeks ago. The TV’s and XBOX’s and PSP’s are all off and they’re all off playing together. Yes, together. An 11, 10, 7 and 4 year old, are playing together, a game they all came up with. Video games pale in comparison to that for them right now. Yesterday they spent over 2 hours outside playing in the last of the winter’s snow. They shut off games and ran outside as they realized how warm and nice it was. This happens over and over and over many times a day. So that thought that kids will only play games/watch TV etc, just doesn’t occur in our house. Admittedly, there are times when Max will play games instead of being in what’s going on, but those are becoming less and less frequent as he gets older.
Everything I said about video games, can also be said for TV and computer use. Never before, has the world been so close and approachable than now, and we are loving every minute of living in a global community. The million and one questions the kids have that need answers, can be answered in moments, and more often than not, that leads to more questions and answers. One of our favourite things (mine especially) is to just follow links. Say we look up DaVinci and go to a page about him. More often than not, one or all of us will see something on that page that we either follow or look up and follow. It’s like Hansel and Gretel, but with website links instead of breadcrumbs, and instead of home, we find the world. How can that be a bad or negative thing? TV too; the world is there for us to discover. Where else can you watch shows from around the world, watch exotic foods being prepared, discovered hidden ruins, laugh your ass off at all different varieties of humour, watch world events as they happen, cry because something from far away touched your heart, and spend time as a family exploring the world from the warmth and comfort of your living room?
They’re all tools, waiting to be used, to be explored, to be delved into. Kids don’t need controls on them, they need help using them and being adept at using them, and they need a guiding, honest hand. Like apprentice carpenters who need help learning how to use the tools of their trade; the hammers and nails and saws and drills and more, kids need the same help using the tools of their trades. Not restrictions or controls, but a guiding hand.
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